We always fall the one that are complicated, attached, cold and attitude.
Whats wrong with the world? What is the problem now? What is not good about falling head over heels with the one that pampers you, loves you, needs you and most importantly, wants to take good care of you and protect you? Are we all under a curse of eternity that we all have to pursue stuff, people, things that we will never get. Is there a lesson behind this evil 'curse'? If so, what are we suppose to learn?
He who does not even care if im suffering is the one im worried about, thinking of and yearning for.
He who sees me more important than life got no care, no love and no promises from me.
I sometimes do feel guilty that I once used Q to get back at L. I was actually happy that the fact that L got more interested in me after i announced to him that i wana consider Q. I know, i'm a sick bitch i deserved to be shot in the head. I thought i can just use Q to get L, then dump both of them. But, Q is just so damn nice to me and i would be ducking lying through my teeth if i said im not moved.
If a guy....
Travel twice from AMK to CCK just because you want have comapany
Rushed down to CCK from Raffles cuz you want to have supper
Gave you 100bucks with no conditions cuz you've got no money to eat
Willing to help you get the guy you like though he loves you
Gave you his netbook cuz your laptop looks too heavy
Remind you constantly even on facebook to drink water cuz he's afraid you'll forget that you NEED to drink more water
NEVER smokes when you are around, not even smell of smoke when he meet you cuz he knew you dont like the smell.
Tells you he is just as happy to treat you good because he loves you
Never expects anything from you although he did all of the above
Say that if missing and thinking of you means getting headaches, its still worth it
Never afraid that you'll ill treat him, just afrard that he cant give you enough
Do not want you to change.
Doesnt want to rush you for answers and decisions.
If you met a guy like this, would fall in love? I would, if i hadn't gone through so much shit from relationships and men.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
Love
I so happy that i dont get upset for long. BUT! My happy moments can last up to a week. NICE! Happy people are pretty, i am pretty and happy!
Why?
No idea, just felt contented out of a sudden =)
Nobody is ugly, its just that you havent fount someone that appreciates your beauty.
Feeling beautiful yet? Go find that someone!
Why?
No idea, just felt contented out of a sudden =)
Nobody is ugly, its just that you havent fount someone that appreciates your beauty.
Feeling beautiful yet? Go find that someone!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Minus those weirdos
All I asked for is to meet, a NORMAL guy. How hard is that????
Daniz, 29, Air steward.
And i thought i met the perfect one. I THOUGHT he was mature and i could finally quit taking care of others and get taken care of. We went out on 2 dates, it was fine. I find him quite cute and funny, plus i held high respects for him as he own a house, a car, a bike and a stable career at the age of 29. That's awesome from where i was seeing.
After he went to Dubai, we still kept in contact via msn and ME smsing him. I took 2 days off just for him. What i got in return? He MIAed.
2 weeks later, he smsed me yesterday and accused me of a change of heart. Damn it, i thought we were just dating, why were there strings attached???? Goodness gracious and stupid me, i even took time to explain to him. All he does was, accusing me of stuff i never did, best of all. He made me feel that i was unfaithful when we weren't even TOGETHER.
Moral of story? Age was never a key to maturity. A 29 acting like 3 year old, you blew me off Daniz.
Kenny Law, 22, working at Lee Hwa
My secondary school senior. Then he didn't even want to look at me, he dated my friends =). Now that I've changed for the better, you managed to fall in love with me just by meeting me once? Talk about love at first sight =) That is making me LMAO.
We met up for supper and he was so fucking rude. Can you imagine having someone burp in your ear constantly for 2 hours????? How gross can he get? First meet up and you do this to a girl, next you tell her she stole your heart, took your breath a way. Come one you took my breath away, literally. Your burping disgust me so badly that I thought i was going to choke on foul air and DIE.
I got home and he starts acting like my BOYFRIEND. He ask who were the guys that keep texting me, why they keep texting me and were they wooing me. Come on, I'm not even sure if you fit in the category of 'friends' or 'weirdos'. Who are you, to DEMAND me to treat you better out of all my guy friends. Even my daddy doesn't make me promise to put him above all. Look at your refection in diamonds, glass AND mirrors. Who do you think you are? Still have the cheek to make me promise to message you in the morning the first thing i wake up. Ewwww, damn annoyed by people who self-proclaim so often that they lost the ability to realise where they actually stand.
Moral of story - Never, NEVER stay in touch with weird and anal seniors.
Why would I give up my freedom for you? Do you think you are worth it in the first place? Bleh, I hate people who thinks so highly of themselves.
Daniz, 29, Air steward.
And i thought i met the perfect one. I THOUGHT he was mature and i could finally quit taking care of others and get taken care of. We went out on 2 dates, it was fine. I find him quite cute and funny, plus i held high respects for him as he own a house, a car, a bike and a stable career at the age of 29. That's awesome from where i was seeing.
After he went to Dubai, we still kept in contact via msn and ME smsing him. I took 2 days off just for him. What i got in return? He MIAed.
2 weeks later, he smsed me yesterday and accused me of a change of heart. Damn it, i thought we were just dating, why were there strings attached???? Goodness gracious and stupid me, i even took time to explain to him. All he does was, accusing me of stuff i never did, best of all. He made me feel that i was unfaithful when we weren't even TOGETHER.
Moral of story? Age was never a key to maturity. A 29 acting like 3 year old, you blew me off Daniz.
Kenny Law, 22, working at Lee Hwa
My secondary school senior. Then he didn't even want to look at me, he dated my friends =). Now that I've changed for the better, you managed to fall in love with me just by meeting me once? Talk about love at first sight =) That is making me LMAO.
We met up for supper and he was so fucking rude. Can you imagine having someone burp in your ear constantly for 2 hours????? How gross can he get? First meet up and you do this to a girl, next you tell her she stole your heart, took your breath a way. Come one you took my breath away, literally. Your burping disgust me so badly that I thought i was going to choke on foul air and DIE.
I got home and he starts acting like my BOYFRIEND. He ask who were the guys that keep texting me, why they keep texting me and were they wooing me. Come on, I'm not even sure if you fit in the category of 'friends' or 'weirdos'. Who are you, to DEMAND me to treat you better out of all my guy friends. Even my daddy doesn't make me promise to put him above all. Look at your refection in diamonds, glass AND mirrors. Who do you think you are? Still have the cheek to make me promise to message you in the morning the first thing i wake up. Ewwww, damn annoyed by people who self-proclaim so often that they lost the ability to realise where they actually stand.
Moral of story - Never, NEVER stay in touch with weird and anal seniors.
Why would I give up my freedom for you? Do you think you are worth it in the first place? Bleh, I hate people who thinks so highly of themselves.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Double the damage
You are the one who made the decision to get out of the relationship, then you are the baddie?
I guess people emphasized too much on those that that were 'dumped' and 'ditched' that the forgot that those that had to make THE decision had been through alot before they actually executed the final move.
When I got dumped in the past, I feel that the other party was a total bastard, a fucking jerk. Then when I ditched, or decided to let go of my first very long and very serious relationship. It got to me how hard it was for them, for me. It wasn't easy to just break someone's heart. To leave the other one somehow stranded, hanging in the air. You think it's easy?
It took me so much courage to tell him that I could not love him any longer.
To take 2years to even decide on the decision.
To actually tell him how much I have suffered being with him.
To actually give up the babies we had so that both of us could move on.
To get misunderstood that I left him for I had my heart give to someone else.
To let have everyone around get involved.
You still think its easy?
Just because I MADE it happen, doesn't mean i have a good time moving on.
I still cant let my past go.
You made such a huge impact.
I based my decisions on our past.
I have nightmares of you.
Have you got the slightest idea how much fear you've brought in my life?
I guess people emphasized too much on those that that were 'dumped' and 'ditched' that the forgot that those that had to make THE decision had been through alot before they actually executed the final move.
When I got dumped in the past, I feel that the other party was a total bastard, a fucking jerk. Then when I ditched, or decided to let go of my first very long and very serious relationship. It got to me how hard it was for them, for me. It wasn't easy to just break someone's heart. To leave the other one somehow stranded, hanging in the air. You think it's easy?
It took me so much courage to tell him that I could not love him any longer.
To take 2years to even decide on the decision.
To actually tell him how much I have suffered being with him.
To actually give up the babies we had so that both of us could move on.
To get misunderstood that I left him for I had my heart give to someone else.
To let have everyone around get involved.
You still think its easy?
Just because I MADE it happen, doesn't mean i have a good time moving on.
I still cant let my past go.
You made such a huge impact.
I based my decisions on our past.
I have nightmares of you.
Have you got the slightest idea how much fear you've brought in my life?
Thursday, August 27, 2009
More about me
Don't say you dont know me.
1. I think like boys, but when it comes to relationships. I'm like most girls. I give in my ALL and i accept all the shit without complaining, without realising. Cuz, I DON'T MIND.
2. When i say relationships, it refers to BGR, kinship and friendship. Basically, all the ships.
3. Once I realised/found out that whatever I've put in has been shortchanged, I like most girls turn on the 'revenge' mechanism. And I'll treat you, exactly like how you treat me less.
4. Like said, its mechanism. Auto mode you see. Girls are revengeful, I'm still a girl =) Don't EVER offend females.
5. I DON'T like to cry, i don't like to express negative feelings, i don't like to face negative feelings.
6. I'm similar to cats in a way that, when I'm hurt. I prefer to find a place to recuperate alone or just die.
7. I DON'T have many females best/close friends. ( Nicole is not exactly a female ) Cuz, i don't understand them like they don't understand me.
8. I prefer guy friends and animals. I relate to them better.
9. Just because i have piercings, coloured hair and articulate with vulgarities. DOESN'T mean that i am not filial, naughty or belongs to the category of ah-lians.
10. I club DOESN'T mean I'm loose. I grind my girlfriends, not strangers.
11. You don't have boobs, DOESN'T mean I cant show off my assets. Get surgery, stop whining.
12. I'm easily contented. No need for LVs.
13. I like sour stuff. NOT pregnant, not easily jealous though.
14. I CANT pick up hints and vague feelings of others. EXPRESS and OPEN your mouth.
15. I'm crazy. Somehow people like me this way, though I'm not like most people. =)
1. I think like boys, but when it comes to relationships. I'm like most girls. I give in my ALL and i accept all the shit without complaining, without realising. Cuz, I DON'T MIND.
2. When i say relationships, it refers to BGR, kinship and friendship. Basically, all the ships.
3. Once I realised/found out that whatever I've put in has been shortchanged, I like most girls turn on the 'revenge' mechanism. And I'll treat you, exactly like how you treat me less.
4. Like said, its mechanism. Auto mode you see. Girls are revengeful, I'm still a girl =) Don't EVER offend females.
5. I DON'T like to cry, i don't like to express negative feelings, i don't like to face negative feelings.
6. I'm similar to cats in a way that, when I'm hurt. I prefer to find a place to recuperate alone or just die.
7. I DON'T have many females best/close friends. ( Nicole is not exactly a female ) Cuz, i don't understand them like they don't understand me.
8. I prefer guy friends and animals. I relate to them better.
9. Just because i have piercings, coloured hair and articulate with vulgarities. DOESN'T mean that i am not filial, naughty or belongs to the category of ah-lians.
10. I club DOESN'T mean I'm loose. I grind my girlfriends, not strangers.
11. You don't have boobs, DOESN'T mean I cant show off my assets. Get surgery, stop whining.
12. I'm easily contented. No need for LVs.
13. I like sour stuff. NOT pregnant, not easily jealous though.
14. I CANT pick up hints and vague feelings of others. EXPRESS and OPEN your mouth.
15. I'm crazy. Somehow people like me this way, though I'm not like most people. =)
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Flaw-ed
I go to your house and you occupied yourself with san guo, while I sit in a corner like dumb fuck = Respecting each other's space
You come over and I watch movie while you eat = I neglect you
We meet and you spend 46238465minutes talking on phone = Important stuff
We meet and I split attention to different people around us = I don't care about you
I love you and I love everything bout you, including your flaws = Roles of girlfriend
You love me and I need to change this, this and that = Roles of boyfriend
2months plus down the road, you ain't like this when I first knew you or when we are together. Is it because I dote on you that you feel you can dominate? You lovED every thing bout me and now its different? I let you speak up on everything, so everything that is not good enough has to go? Perhaps, we rushed into things and got confuse. Maybe, you're no different from them after all.
I gave in my all once again in exchange for a bucket of tear. People change eh? Fast.
You come over and I watch movie while you eat = I neglect you
We meet and you spend 46238465minutes talking on phone = Important stuff
We meet and I split attention to different people around us = I don't care about you
I love you and I love everything bout you, including your flaws = Roles of girlfriend
You love me and I need to change this, this and that = Roles of boyfriend
2months plus down the road, you ain't like this when I first knew you or when we are together. Is it because I dote on you that you feel you can dominate? You lovED every thing bout me and now its different? I let you speak up on everything, so everything that is not good enough has to go? Perhaps, we rushed into things and got confuse. Maybe, you're no different from them after all.
I gave in my all once again in exchange for a bucket of tear. People change eh? Fast.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Doltish
I thought it was easy to handle all the stuff, those back log from the 3 years. It ain't easy.
It ruined me, complete. My life, my reputation, my image and whatever merits I've accumulated to show my family had all gone down drain. It wasn't hard to decide on it, it was hard to execute it. I took 2years, countless effort, numerous support, thinning faith and my life.
It made me paranoid, i have trust issues with Clement and i constantly doubt my efforts to make my new life work. Well, people doubt my efforts. Even my own parents doubt me. And its all because of 1 silly decision during my juvenile years. Sad? Tell you what's more pathetic.
Clement treats me very well, like a gem. UNCONDITIONALLY.
I repaid him by thinking he might not deserve the things I've done for him.
That i should not love him as much as i do.
That i must not let myself take him that seriously.
That i could not give in to the relationship unconditionally.
I used to give everything trust.
I used to love wholeheartedly.
I used to make full effort.
I used to scrap doubt.
I used to be the best girlfriend you ever wanted.
Its unfair that, you have to wait for me to change. To change for the better, to change to be what i was like in the PAST. It doesn't do you justice, that you put in your all where i try to reserve what you deserve. That you are always patient and kind towards my flaws and failures in this relationship. The fact that you always stood by me, regardless of everything and anything, just because I'm your girl and you trust me.
I don't understand what have i done to deserve you? I love you, so much that i myself could not believe it. I know I'm holding back. And i do try to stop myself from being so negative. I swear I'll change but when i think back, ' How long will it take?'. You're a catalyst, can you speed up my recovery? So many doubts and nothing to back my decisiveness in going in this relationship. Yet I'm so sure that everything could work between. I believe you have that power to assure me every thing's okay. But when will i be the one to assure you?
I want to be the best for you, i MUST be the best for you. Though i see my past laughing sarcastically at my present. I really hope i can be compatible for you.
It ruined me, complete. My life, my reputation, my image and whatever merits I've accumulated to show my family had all gone down drain. It wasn't hard to decide on it, it was hard to execute it. I took 2years, countless effort, numerous support, thinning faith and my life.
It made me paranoid, i have trust issues with Clement and i constantly doubt my efforts to make my new life work. Well, people doubt my efforts. Even my own parents doubt me. And its all because of 1 silly decision during my juvenile years. Sad? Tell you what's more pathetic.
Clement treats me very well, like a gem. UNCONDITIONALLY.
I repaid him by thinking he might not deserve the things I've done for him.
That i should not love him as much as i do.
That i must not let myself take him that seriously.
That i could not give in to the relationship unconditionally.
I used to give everything trust.
I used to love wholeheartedly.
I used to make full effort.
I used to scrap doubt.
I used to be the best girlfriend you ever wanted.
Its unfair that, you have to wait for me to change. To change for the better, to change to be what i was like in the PAST. It doesn't do you justice, that you put in your all where i try to reserve what you deserve. That you are always patient and kind towards my flaws and failures in this relationship. The fact that you always stood by me, regardless of everything and anything, just because I'm your girl and you trust me.
I don't understand what have i done to deserve you? I love you, so much that i myself could not believe it. I know I'm holding back. And i do try to stop myself from being so negative. I swear I'll change but when i think back, ' How long will it take?'. You're a catalyst, can you speed up my recovery? So many doubts and nothing to back my decisiveness in going in this relationship. Yet I'm so sure that everything could work between. I believe you have that power to assure me every thing's okay. But when will i be the one to assure you?
I want to be the best for you, i MUST be the best for you. Though i see my past laughing sarcastically at my present. I really hope i can be compatible for you.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Dont act as if you're going to cry.
Fuck, i don't fucking understand why do i have to be grouped with her like twice a week? And i only have 4 classes per week. I'm grouped with that BUMMER 1/2 the time. Cry for me please.
Today, she got onto my nerves AGAIN! How could she do that, I've never met anyone that could step on my nerves EVERY TIME i see their face. She's a pro, fucking pro I'll say. She's a bummer however, she possess the SUPERIOR talent of looking like a frail chick every time we 'outcast' her. Well, we don't outcast you! We were too busy doing YOUR slides to entertain your whimpering cries. You have the cheek to tell me you decided to go partial after laoniang talked to you nicely about splitting the workload. You still dared to show off your CHUI hokkien when you wanted to bring that irresponsible statement? Fuck you. WTF is I zao ( I find )? GO learn your hokkien before you guai lan with me with your ka na sai dialect kay.
Yah, you know how to make yourself look like a weak powerless bitch. I know i look like a bully in the eyes of facis. But fuck, the whole class knows what a useless, credit grabbing wuss you are. So, I'm gonna grade you down to a grade you've never got before.
Now, EAT YOUR HEART OUT BITCH!
Today, she got onto my nerves AGAIN! How could she do that, I've never met anyone that could step on my nerves EVERY TIME i see their face. She's a pro, fucking pro I'll say. She's a bummer however, she possess the SUPERIOR talent of looking like a frail chick every time we 'outcast' her. Well, we don't outcast you! We were too busy doing YOUR slides to entertain your whimpering cries. You have the cheek to tell me you decided to go partial after laoniang talked to you nicely about splitting the workload. You still dared to show off your CHUI hokkien when you wanted to bring that irresponsible statement? Fuck you. WTF is I zao ( I find )? GO learn your hokkien before you guai lan with me with your ka na sai dialect kay.
Yah, you know how to make yourself look like a weak powerless bitch. I know i look like a bully in the eyes of facis. But fuck, the whole class knows what a useless, credit grabbing wuss you are. So, I'm gonna grade you down to a grade you've never got before.
Now, EAT YOUR HEART OUT BITCH!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Cut me up
I'm not a person that tells the whole world how i feel daily. I like keeping things to myself cuz i don't want to trouble others. Call me obdurate, I don't care. Advises to open up my heart just isn't my thing. Okay?
Today, its the 16. My baby girl is having her op on the 19 and I'll be sending her in on the 18. Poor girl, sh has suffered so much i think since she was born. Hope she's alright and i definitely hope her irresponisble dad would come pay the medical bills. Its so sick that after we broke up he would always use both Vovo and Giant as excuses to come up to see me. It seems like we'll always share a relationship that can never be cut off.
I'm so worried for Vovo girl, I'm afraid her body might reject the general anesthesia and bad things might happen.... And she's sleeping in front of me now, I knew she will hate e when i bring her to the vet that day. She hates going to the vet but i have no choice, hope she understands.
I'm a person that treat my pets as my own children not like WeiLong, the moment they enter my heart they will always be my children. Not dogs. I even hope that, if one day they were to leave me, i hope they would both be reincarnated to be my children. Vovo would be such a sweet girl and Giant would be my active little boy. I dare hope for it to come true but at least, let hem be humans soon? They've suffered quite a lot i believe.
Anyone that is reading this, help me pray for my girl. I really hope she could be alright....
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Reality sucks pretty much
I know i have a couple of stuffs that are pretty expensive, I know i spend shit loads of moolah on my cosmetics, I know I eat expensive food. But I'm certainly not rich like what you people think. In fact i come from an okay doing family and i have stopped taking money from parents for personal stuff since i was 12. I grew up earning and spending my own hard earned money. And if you think I'm a spoilt brat, you're so damn wrong.
I just lost my job, got out of a bad relationship and have got into a new one soon after. Dramatic? Maybe, well I'm quite numb towards unfortunate events in my life. My family would really, really just leave me out there to die of perhaps hunger or poverty. I do have a boyfriend, but shandy is a man deep down and do not actually enjoy greatly upon the idea of spending someone Else's money. I'm stupid, I'm dumb. Whatever, just hope a miracle would cross my path and end all my sufferings. If fate has time, do get rid of unnecessary people in my life too. They suck and they could suck fucking gay balls if they continue ruining my life.
I hate my life, i hate my family. I want out so much but there's so much responsibilities to handle in this house. Hate it. Fuck it, fuck my damned cursed life. =(
I just lost my job, got out of a bad relationship and have got into a new one soon after. Dramatic? Maybe, well I'm quite numb towards unfortunate events in my life. My family would really, really just leave me out there to die of perhaps hunger or poverty. I do have a boyfriend, but shandy is a man deep down and do not actually enjoy greatly upon the idea of spending someone Else's money. I'm stupid, I'm dumb. Whatever, just hope a miracle would cross my path and end all my sufferings. If fate has time, do get rid of unnecessary people in my life too. They suck and they could suck fucking gay balls if they continue ruining my life.
I hate my life, i hate my family. I want out so much but there's so much responsibilities to handle in this house. Hate it. Fuck it, fuck my damned cursed life. =(
Friday, June 5, 2009
I love him, I do
I said I was single, not anymore.
I thought I would enjoy courtship from different guys while i was single. But no, it was irritating and it got on to my nerves. And i realise, being flirtatious with guys is just an escape from the past tiring relationship.
I love my new boy. You may think it was too fast, or that i was cheap, cruel. Whatever, it was the first time experiencing so much respect and love for one. He never wanted me to change, for he love me like that. He never wanted me to stop doing certain things, for he wants me to be happy. We have so much in common, we are so similar in so many ways. And now, i can truly tell the the world, I've found my other half. I may not have swore to god that i would marry and must marry him, not now perhaps. But i definitely see him walking with me in the future.
I know i said i wanted to marry WeiLong, it was true. There were moments where i wanted to, but every time he hurt me verbally, i would be so lost, I'll ask myself, ' Do i really want to marry this man?' Violence cant solve problems, i know it cant. I was brought up that way and it didn't do me any good. I know you mean it when you say you're truly sorry, but when you said you'll change for me. It never happened.
I need someone for me to fall back on when I'm down and hurt. Not scold 'Kanina, pua chee bye' and go beat up that person who pulled me down. You cant give me what i want, what you gave hurts and fears me.
When i cry, what i want is simple. A shoulder to cry on, perhaps a kiss on the the forehead and tell me everything is okay. Have you, EVER did that? Well it doesn't matter, cuz Clement can do it and now, you're not in the picture anymore. At least not mine.
I thought I would enjoy courtship from different guys while i was single. But no, it was irritating and it got on to my nerves. And i realise, being flirtatious with guys is just an escape from the past tiring relationship.
I love my new boy. You may think it was too fast, or that i was cheap, cruel. Whatever, it was the first time experiencing so much respect and love for one. He never wanted me to change, for he love me like that. He never wanted me to stop doing certain things, for he wants me to be happy. We have so much in common, we are so similar in so many ways. And now, i can truly tell the the world, I've found my other half. I may not have swore to god that i would marry and must marry him, not now perhaps. But i definitely see him walking with me in the future.
I know i said i wanted to marry WeiLong, it was true. There were moments where i wanted to, but every time he hurt me verbally, i would be so lost, I'll ask myself, ' Do i really want to marry this man?' Violence cant solve problems, i know it cant. I was brought up that way and it didn't do me any good. I know you mean it when you say you're truly sorry, but when you said you'll change for me. It never happened.
I need someone for me to fall back on when I'm down and hurt. Not scold 'Kanina, pua chee bye' and go beat up that person who pulled me down. You cant give me what i want, what you gave hurts and fears me.
When i cry, what i want is simple. A shoulder to cry on, perhaps a kiss on the the forehead and tell me everything is okay. Have you, EVER did that? Well it doesn't matter, cuz Clement can do it and now, you're not in the picture anymore. At least not mine.
Monday, June 1, 2009
See? No see?
Shandy is happy? Can you believe it? And its not because of money, not because of my ex, not because i broke my Bejewelled high score and its not because Shandy's family is sweet and warm.
Shandy is for once, well taken care of, listened to, cared of and made happy.
How can someone be so much like me? Understands me so much? Or even appreciates me more then family. I like this feeling. Hmmm, the feeling of being important in someone's life is fantastic, i feel empowered (woo~ SUPER) I feel ecstatic, elated, in simple words enjoying pure bliss.
Seems like I'm not so suay~ ma, wo you ren teng. I know i will be in good hands. I know i will be happy. I know I'm not in fear anymore. I know i wont need to change.
See, siudai, see, me, see!
I'm blabbering nonsense, that's how happy people talk. So SHUT UP. HAHAHA.
Meeting tomorrow!
Shandy is for once, well taken care of, listened to, cared of and made happy.
How can someone be so much like me? Understands me so much? Or even appreciates me more then family. I like this feeling. Hmmm, the feeling of being important in someone's life is fantastic, i feel empowered (woo~ SUPER) I feel ecstatic, elated, in simple words enjoying pure bliss.
Seems like I'm not so suay~ ma, wo you ren teng. I know i will be in good hands. I know i will be happy. I know I'm not in fear anymore. I know i wont need to change.
See, siudai, see, me, see!
I'm blabbering nonsense, that's how happy people talk. So SHUT UP. HAHAHA.
Meeting tomorrow!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
How could you care that much?
I think you barely know me, you don't know who i was and what i am.
But surprisingly, you were the one who stood by me when i needed it. I thought it might be someone else but your name never occurred in my head... You supported me, more than family and when i told you to come, you were already prepared to appear right in front of me. How could someone sacrifice so much for me, when he didn't knew 10% of my life? I'm the devil in disguise whereas he is innocent giving me his whole heart. Am i too much?
To Mr Lim, i never even thought you could be such a fucking jerk. You mind fucked my brother so you could get his support? Seems like you manage to hurt me in another way. Good job.
But surprisingly, you were the one who stood by me when i needed it. I thought it might be someone else but your name never occurred in my head... You supported me, more than family and when i told you to come, you were already prepared to appear right in front of me. How could someone sacrifice so much for me, when he didn't knew 10% of my life? I'm the devil in disguise whereas he is innocent giving me his whole heart. Am i too much?
To Mr Lim, i never even thought you could be such a fucking jerk. You mind fucked my brother so you could get his support? Seems like you manage to hurt me in another way. Good job.
Relieved and lost
Let it go..... Finally heaved that sigh of relief.
But, why do i feel like a part of me is lost, gone forever?
3 years together and 2 years of fear, lastly 1 year of fatigue filled life.
People who knows my story know what kind i have, Drama drama is all i can say, i didn't matter how 'exciting' my life seems. Sometimes i just want to be a little bit more normal. Had been an abnormal girl for far too long.
I am brought up in a family that uses violence and abuses to educate me, I looked strong since the day i understood stuff, i act like I'm strong and i know i make people believe that i am strong. But deep down through all these years. I seem to lose the true me. I lose the one in me that needs care, concern and perhaps the ability and courage to breakdown. Maybe i feel that this way my family would feel more assured? Well i don't know, i just thought it's the right way to behave? It seems like its not the right way after all.
Since i already live in such a painful childhood, i don't think i need a boyfriend that traumatise me just the same. Am i not right?
I know you told me you'll change. After breaking that damn promise for so long, how do you think i can trust you?
The first time i laughed so hard and loud for so long and the reason was no longer you.
But, why do i feel like a part of me is lost, gone forever?
3 years together and 2 years of fear, lastly 1 year of fatigue filled life.
People who knows my story know what kind i have, Drama drama is all i can say, i didn't matter how 'exciting' my life seems. Sometimes i just want to be a little bit more normal. Had been an abnormal girl for far too long.
I am brought up in a family that uses violence and abuses to educate me, I looked strong since the day i understood stuff, i act like I'm strong and i know i make people believe that i am strong. But deep down through all these years. I seem to lose the true me. I lose the one in me that needs care, concern and perhaps the ability and courage to breakdown. Maybe i feel that this way my family would feel more assured? Well i don't know, i just thought it's the right way to behave? It seems like its not the right way after all.
Since i already live in such a painful childhood, i don't think i need a boyfriend that traumatise me just the same. Am i not right?
I know you told me you'll change. After breaking that damn promise for so long, how do you think i can trust you?
The first time i laughed so hard and loud for so long and the reason was no longer you.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
Drama Drama
Joined and online competition. Lol, seem like i caused quite alot of commotion on the web. I think people just dont understand the meaning of DPDP ( don't know what that means? Join RP ) I may look heidious to some or a beauty to some. Its never just good or just bad. Cant people get this simple law in life?
Anyway, want to see the BIG hoo ha. Go to Belumni.com.
No matter what happens. Laoniang love myself =)
Anyway, want to see the BIG hoo ha. Go to Belumni.com.
No matter what happens. Laoniang love myself =)
Monday, April 13, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
Dilema
I love him? I love him not? Modelling pays me cold hard cash and that's the thing i need big time. Tell me who dont love money? Well i definitely do, and i am fucking glad to accept to the realistic side of me.
I might get exposed one day, and when that day comes. Im pretty sure things would turn out bad, sour or maybe completely shattered. Well for some reasons, deep in my heart i hope i'm free and easy with no hand cuffs holding me back to do anything. I'm not a good girlfriend? And for as far as i know. I dont want to be nobody's girl no more. I love my flirtatious side, maybe not flirtatius. Playful? Apparently, i'm still goddamn young. I may look a good old 23 or older but laoniang is only 18. Young and sexy.
Haha, i cant seem to understand why i want to get attached so badly when i was younger, Geetting attached with him at that tender age of 15 seems to bombard my pathetic and fabulous life with regrets and many contradictions. I dont even know whether is it appropriate to hold on to him anymore. It sucks, im a bitch and i dont deny that fact. I still want to enjoy life whereas he cant wait to marry me. My, talk about settling down at 18. Sounds like nipping the bud eh?
I love modelling and yes, its pays me well. Why cant he understand this shit?
I might get exposed one day, and when that day comes. Im pretty sure things would turn out bad, sour or maybe completely shattered. Well for some reasons, deep in my heart i hope i'm free and easy with no hand cuffs holding me back to do anything. I'm not a good girlfriend? And for as far as i know. I dont want to be nobody's girl no more. I love my flirtatious side, maybe not flirtatius. Playful? Apparently, i'm still goddamn young. I may look a good old 23 or older but laoniang is only 18. Young and sexy.
Haha, i cant seem to understand why i want to get attached so badly when i was younger, Geetting attached with him at that tender age of 15 seems to bombard my pathetic and fabulous life with regrets and many contradictions. I dont even know whether is it appropriate to hold on to him anymore. It sucks, im a bitch and i dont deny that fact. I still want to enjoy life whereas he cant wait to marry me. My, talk about settling down at 18. Sounds like nipping the bud eh?
I love modelling and yes, its pays me well. Why cant he understand this shit?
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