Shitty

You make me happy when you ordered fried mushrooms for me, knowing that I love them.

But, one promise you break, it makes me feel sad 10 times worser.

Times flies, feelings run.

Is it true that the more you get to see a person, the easier you'll take that person for granted?

7 May 2010, You said you'll never let me sleep on the sofa. Tell me to wake you up and let you sleep on the couch, cuz your heart hurts when I take that place. And that I'm your baby, you'll never wana see me sleeping there again.

3 August 2010, The first time you said you'll try not to snore by closing your mouth, apologised and ask me to go back into the room. Second time, you were snoring so bad I tried to wake you up and you ignored me. I left for the living room hoping that when you realise I'm not beside you, you'll come and bring me back to the room.

But, it didn't happen, I don't believe you've never realise I was not beside you, did you choose to ignore? Or does you heart not hurt anymore for me? Things changed and you changed so badly. Am I only on your mind when you want something from me? It hurts so badly...

I'm trying

Yes, I have cool parents, they talk like like they're friends instead of parents. They play with my friends, they joke with my boyfriend. But really, what I think is they don't care. They are just oblivious with what I'm going through. They aren't there. But, they should be, right?

I'm sick, like really sick. Flu, fever, cough and diarrhea. WHAT A COMBINATION. They know I'm sick, it's quite obvious actually. But do they really know what's wrong with me? I need help, I don't know what's wrong with me and they're not helping. I lost my job because I want to be home to eat hm cooked dinner, to better my health. An what did I get? I lost my job and everyday I come back home with no dinner on the table and medicines piling up.

I skip school but seriously I don't know what's fucking wrong with me! I want to pass, I want to get good grades and I want to be proud of myself! But, I just cant get myself to do it, I see my grades deteriorating in super speed and yet I cant bring myself to be more motivated. Sometimes I just wana sleep my life away, sleep EVERYTHING away.

I need a supportive family. And now I substitute that need with loads of happy movies of happy families, happy people. And now I'm running out of movies to watch, then where am I going to seek solace from?

I want to fade into the background...

Emo Nemo

So bloody long since I last pen my thoughts down on this page. I'm really happy with Eric, I can never get upset with him for more than 15mins and its amazing how he can always make me smile. And all the while, I was holding on to the hope that he could get accepted by a local university and we can go happily ever after like we have been all long. But, I guess good things don't come easy, after so much shit till I met Eric, I got more shit to overcome to make things work. It sucks, being together for only 3 months plus and we'll be in 2 different countries then, from July. And 2 years? How do I live?

He went back to Malaysia for a few days and I cant sleep well without him already and now 2 freaking years??? How am I to cope?

I've been having relapse after hearing the news and I've been wanting to cry so many times for absolutely no reasons. I'm so sick, I don't know what's wrong with me. Creepy thoughts kept invading my brains and the moment he's not with me I feel weak. I used to be so strong, now what happened to me. My strength was all fake?

But, I'll be strong for him, I don't want to be his burden, I want to be a happy girl. And, I want him. For that to happen, I need to keep myself saint. Else I'll lose all that I have eventually right? Shandy's strong =) I MUST be fine.

I love you baby, all it takes is your love to make me saint.
Let me stay , forever, will you?
I need you love to keep my faith going.....

My heart weighs a tonne

I know, I should just pray that he'll get good results. Good enough to go into university but as much as I try to be a very open minded and liberal girlfriend. Deep down, I really want him to stay here with me. I guess all human are selfish to a certain extent, though I want him to have the best, I got to admit, I'm human and I'm selfish too.

He's just so good. Like a fairytale, where all the good things happen and characters in it would always be happy. But, what about my ending, will it be happy if he's not gonna be in SG? I hope I have anything, no EVERYTHING it takes to keep us going. You have no idea, how much fear you have trapped in you when you experienced something so wonderful, had someone so wonderful and felt so lucky and might leave you to somewhere perhaps 1700miles away....

I hope I can find strength to overcome this shitty feeling, I don't want him to stay cause of me. I don't want him to regret. I know I should let him go, like what I've posted in FB.
"If you love him, you'll let him go pursue his future and if he loves you, he'll come back to you with all his achievements." Please, give me the will to stick to what I fucking preach.

I still feel sucky =(

Special, you.

I am just so attracted to him. The attraction so strong, I can't resist. I know we don't know each other for too long, perhaps not long enough. But it feels right and I believe, we will make it right.

I know I smiled silly at him. I don't know why it happened but likewise, it has been a long time since i last did that. I'm just feel happy that I found someone that I want to commit to and settle down with. And, I'm happy.

I know, we both used to be deemed as players. I admit that, I've played hard and perhaps broke a few hearts. He may have a few bad history. Well, now we're serious, it's gonna be hard for other to take us seriously. We'll make it though. I know =)

AI YA, I'm just very happy la!